Babies and Boobies and Clowns! Oh My!

Or should I say, Babies and Boobies and Clowns! Nachos! Or maybe I shouldn't talk about clowns, boobies and babies in the same sentence or the same blog. But I'm going to. I'm all about pushing the boundaries of normal social conduct.

So Saturday was Halloween. In case you weren't aware of it, I'm here to remind you. You're welcome. As promised, I have pictures of myself and The Cowboy in our costumes, as well as The Cuteness and Stinky in theirs, AND of The Cuteness in her hat. It's a picture bonanza here.

The Cowboy decided about a month and a half ago that he was going to go as a clown. Now, let me just tell you all something about The Cowboy, if I haven't said it already. I'm gonna let you in on a little secret about him. He is All About Business. When he sets his mind on something, ANYthing, he is going to follow it through to the bitter end and obsess about it until it's perfect.

Guitar building, pickle making, getting a TV signal on the computer in the bedroom, not wearing a belt to work, locksmithing, boycotting Sprint - whatever it is, you can bet that when he decides he's on board - he is On Board.

So, he wanted to be a clown. He searched the Halloween stores and the innernets to find just the perfect costume. He purchased props, including a water squirting flower, a horn and a "BANG" gun. He researched clown makeup and balloon animal craftmanship. I'm not making this up. Here is the final product:

Meet "Robert" the Clown. He thought it was heeeeeeelarious that his clown name was Robert. Sometimes I don't get his humor.

Meanwhile, I couldn't decide what the hell to be for Halloween. I was back and forth between a witch (boring) and one of the girls from the Robert Palmer videos from the 80s (figured I'd have to spend all night explaining it to my friends who, I love, but are from Texas and therefor listened to Randy Travis in the 80s and not Robert Palmer....not that I'm disrespecting Randy Travis). The costumes both involved the same basic black dress that I've had since I was in high school (and still fits! thanks to stretchy material, but still, a victory), and I would accessorize with either a pair of striped tights and a hat, or a bunch of hussy makeup and the guitar from our Wii Rock Band. It was a toss up. As I said, I'd always wanted to do the Robert Palmer thing, but I figured the humor of it would be lost on my countrified friends, so I nixed that. And the witch thing was easy enough, but not original or creative. So at the last minute, I threw together this costume. I figured my countrified friends could appreciate this.

Rodeo Clown! We already had clown makeup. I had the hat, the shorts and the shoes. I bought the striped socks, the bandannas, and the shirt, which is actually kind of cute and I might consider wearing it again. Overall I spent about 2 days putting this costume together, as opposed to the nearly 2 months The Cowboy spent. That's the difference between us. But we looked cute, didn't we?

You know who else looked cute? That's right - The Cuteness herself and her best friend Baby Stinky Pants. They were a chicken and a bunny, respectively.

They also enjoyed Robert's balloon animals, after they changed out of their costumes.

Maddie really liked the hat that I made for her.

She liked it so much that she kept bringing me beers all night.

See? This is why you have kids.

(and actually, I'm only joking about her bringing me beer....she was bringing them to her father......again, just kidding, she was playing with the ice)

My friends and I are not young anymore, so it wasn't a particularly late night, aided by the fact that we got an extra hour. But I still had to get up at the BCOD on Sunday morning to be in Austin for the Race for the Cure. It was not easy to get up and get moving that early - but I am so glad I did. Thanks to my friends and family I raised $225 for the Susan G. Komen Foundation, and I walked/jogged the 5k with my friend Lesli from work.

It was an amazing experience. Thank you to everyone who supported me!

As you can see I had a very fun and fulfilling weekend. This coming weekend The Cowboy and I are going camping. In the meantime, I've been working on a recipe for you for later this week. And I've been inspired (bullied) to try cro-shit again. Standby for details regarding that train wreck.

Gratuitous Stinky Shot!

Hope you all have a fabulous week, Dahlings.

October is....

October is....

My favorite month of the year. Or at least it used to be when I lived in Michigan and we had a little thing I like to call "seasons", which are practically non existent here in Texas. Actually, there are 2 seasons here in Texas. We call them "So Hot I Might F--king Melt" and "Oooooh no, it might actually ice and we better close down the whole town for 3 days". There's no happy medium. I miss the medium. I need the medium. The temps have been gradually cooling down here, and I think we might finally be over the 90 degree days. This week the highs are supposed to be in the 70s, which is not at all resembling the falls I knew up north, but I will take it. I can open my windows and put on my button tab hat and pretend like it's cold outside.

ACL. The Austin City Limits music festival was 2 weeks ago, and once again my cousin and her husband, The Doctah and I went. And once again, we had a great time. Despite the crappy

weather. Friday's weather was amazing - high around 80, sunny, beautiful, perfect. Saturday it

rained all day (which was fine with me, since I didn't go on Saturday) and by Sunday, the entire

park was a mudpit. A stinky, smelly, messy, disgusting mudpit. And let me tell you what, kids,

there were some crazy fools walking around that park in their bare feet. Not Caps, no sir. I didn't want to get any of those crazy worm-like diseases The Doctah was warning me about.

Thank goodness for my $6 Target rain boots. Best $6 I've spent in a long time. One of my

favorite parts of ACL is getting to check out new and little known bands. This is both good and

bad of course, as we saw one guy who was HORRIBLE, but I feel bad slandering his name on my blog. But really, really awful. On the flip side, though, I found a new band that I am totally having a love affair with. The Avett Brothers.

Little known fact about me: I am a sucker for a banjo. I love it. Throw in a couple of grungy looking brothers, an upright bass that the guy actually picks up while he plays, and some really

catchy tunes that are a funky mixture of bluegrass, folk, rock and punk, and you have The Avett Brothers. It's a musical snack. (anyone name that movie?) I immediately came home and downloaded 2 of their albums and haven't stopped listening them since.

Football Saturdays. I have a long standing Saturday morning date with Lee Corso and a cup

of coffee.

The Cowboy likes to sleep until noon on Saturdays (except when he goes fishing, like he did

today), so I get up early, brew a big pot of coffee and lay on the couch and watch College Game Day. Lee Corso is a crazy old coot, but my October Saturdays aren't complete without him, Kirk Herbstreit, Desmond Howard and Chris Fowler. I'm not one for the NFL, but I love college football, and I look forward to Game Day every week.

Halloween! It would stand to reason that since October is my favorite month, Halloween

in my favorite holiday. Well it's not. Thanksmas is. That's a combination of Thanksgiving and Christmas. More on that later. But I do like Halloween, I think it's a lot of fun. It's the only other holiday that I actively decorate the house for.

Our friends always have a Halloween party (see this post, and this post from last year), and we

all have a lot of fun dressing up and getting together. The jello shots help, too.

Yummy. There are certain foods that I only make in the fall/winter months. One of those foods are the pumpkin chocolate chip muffins.

If you haven't seen this recipe yet, please click the link and make them now. NOW. If you have seen the recipe and haven't made them, shame on you. And if you have seen the recipe, made

the muffins and sang my praises, then you are welcome. They are, as Neil Diamond would say, so good. So good! So good! Neil Diamond knows what he's talking about, people. Don't ignore Neil.

The other food that I wait 'till October to make is Gobbles. Gobbles is my family's name for homemade chicken noodle soup. It's my grandmother's recipe. If you are wondering, as many do, why we call it Gobbles, so far as I can tell it's because she sometimes makes it with leftover turkey from Thanksgiving. I never make it with turkey, but I suppose it would taste just as delicious. This is the recipe I've been promising you all week, and I'm going to be cooking up a big pot of soup tomorrow, so the blog will follow immediately. Here's a sneak preview:

Oh mommydaddy. Neil approves of this one too.

I hope everyone out there is having a great October!

(ps - the last thing that October means to me is that I start listening to Christmas music when I'm alone in my car. Yes that's right. I'm not proud, but I do it. Hey, they put the decorations out in September, why can't I listen to the music? Don't judge me.)

Happy Halloween

I am sorry that this post is coming to you 4 days late. I am sorry that I don't have a better excuse as to why I didn't post it sooner. I am sorry that I am lazy. But you know what I'm not sorry about? I'm not working today. So put that in your pipe and smoke it.

I don't know what that means. My "Paw" used to smoke a pipe. And when I say "Paw" I don't mean Grandfather, as you may think. No. We used to have neighbors when I was really little and I called them Paw and Nee-Nee. Or, PawNeeNee. They were just an older couple, friends of my parents. But he smoked a pipe. That's really the only thing I remember about him.

Now, you may be thinking that was a tangent, and perhaps it started off as one, but I'm going to tie it all together right now. Are you ready for this? It's gonna be good.

You know who else smokes a pipe? Sure, a different kind of pipe altogether, but for purposes of tying my thoughts together today we're gonna go with it.....

Amy Winehouse.

Wait, that's not Amy Winehouse. No.....that's ME!!! Cracked out as Amy Winehouse for Halloween. (also perhaps the second worst picture of me ever taken, second only to this one of course)

Here's a close up. I went for a "cleaner" and "healthier" version of Amy. And by healthier of course what I mean is "fatter". Because, sadly, I am not crack-skinny.

Everybody sing it with me now.

They tried to make me go to rehab, I said NO NO NO.

Is that the only Amy Winehouse song you know? I have to admit that it's not for me. I downloaded her whole "Back to Black" CD and if I'm being honest? I mean, I'm nothing if not honest, right? I like the CD. It's actually really good. Sure, she's completely cracked out, and the media glamorizes her lifestyle to a point and it's not helping her get any better. But that girl can sang. Don't take my word for it, have a listen for yourself. Or if you want, you can just come over here and I will put on my wig and perform a little medley for you. That's what I did for the Cowboy who had no idea who on God's green earth Amy Winehouse was. He's so naive. I love that about him.

Here he is in costume.The Cowboy (L) and The Cart Pusher (his brother, Brent) (R) as Mario and Luigi.

Remember how the Cowboy took the credit for the pumpkin cheese ball face? I'm taking the credit for these costumes. They were totally my idea. And pretty damn clever if I do say so myself.

And I do. I gotta take all the credit I can get.

Mommy and Daddy Stinky Pants were a werewolf and the poor bastard who gets attacked by a werewolf.

Wolves were a popular choice.

Here's Robert and Michelle as The Big Bad Wolf and Little Red Riding Hood.

Here's Wes and D as a pimp and one of his ladies. All night Wes kept saying "Hold on, wait a minute, let me put some pimpin' in it." And D had a black eye that you can't really see in this picture. She threw this costume together last minute when her other one didn't fit. Several of my friends didn't know who I was. They just thought I was some kind of big haired whore. All that time and energy I invested into my Amy Winehouse costume and I walk in and they don't even get it. Shame.

Here's The Cuteness' parents. She was a basketball player and he was a toga dude, obvs.

Kevin, as Paul Bunyan.

Lanice (I'm sure I'm spelling her name wrong, sorry Lanice) as a Boo Bee. Hehehehehe. Boobie.

Oh. Are you looking at what I'm looking at? Who cares about the Boo Bee when that guy is standing in the background? Yeah.

If I were giving away an award for the best costume of the night, this guy would get it. I'm not going to say his real name, because he's really a cop, and I don't want him to get into any kind of trouble.

Someone call the cops. I'm sure it's illegal for a man to wear shorts this short. Or it should be.

It should also be illegal to be this cute. Or this stinky.

Candid party shots.

David didn't dress up. If there is one thing that annoys me, it's when people don't dress up for a Halloween party. Dammit David, there is no excuse. I mean, who do you think you are? Why are you so special that you can just wear regular, HOLD UP WAIT A MINUTELET ME PUT SOME PIMPIN IN IT.

Sorry.

That's just rude.

Stinky and Miss Winehouse wish you all a very Happy (and safe!) Halloween!!!

Party Prep

It's awfully early for me to be up and blogging about the Halloween party the night before, which means that either I wasn't drunk enough, or that I didn't have enough to drink.

Which is hard to imagine, given the number of jello shots we made Friday night.

My friends and I do jello shots a little differently. We actually have literal jello "shots".

This is the bag before.

Nothing says "Adult Fun" like a Winne The Pooh bag full of "borrowed" syringes, does it?

Except maybe a counter full of hooch.

We assembled our trusty team of jello shot making professionals: Me, Darnell, Wes, Kevin and Brent. We set up the assembly line, and went to work. Brent is concentrating very hard. Jello Shot Making is a lost art.

Those shots on the left? The pale yellow ones? They are pina colada flavored, and we made them with rum. They are outstanding, and probably the most popular choice amongst Jello Shot enthusiasts, i.e. me and my friends. Because of their pale color and appearance, and also to not confuse them with the Island Pineapple shots (my second fave), we took to calling them "breast milk" shots. My friends and I are very inappropriate that way.

We made some shots.

And we made some more. But we're not done yet!

Dr. Kevin conducted an experiment with the jello shots. It failed.

Done! These are all the jello shots we made. We estimated that we made over 400. For a party of about 25-30 guests. And one of them was pregnant. That's a large shot per person ratio!

Here's a quick little party recipe for you. I make this for a lot of parties and it's always a hit. It couldn't be easier. Even if you have no cooking skillz, you could pull this bad boy off. I promise. It's my Famous Cheese Ball. I think we'll call it that too. So here's the recipe for.....(drum roll please.....ok maybe I am still a little drunk..........)

Caps' Famous Cheese Ball

You will need: 2 packages of cream cheese (don't skimp and get the lite stuff. Come on, it's a holiday), 1 bag of shredded cheddar cheese, 1 package of Hidden Valley Ranch dressing seasoning (the dry stuff), and 1 small package of REAL bacon bits. Please for the love of all things sacred, cheesy and holy, do NOT buy those dehydrated imitation bacon flavored flecks. If you can't find real bacon bits, just leave it out. Really, it will be better than adding that aforementioned crap.

Let the cream cheese soften on the counter for 10-15 minutes before you start.

Basically, you just dump the cream cheese in a bowl, add the ranch dressing packet and about 1/2 - 3/4 of the bag of bacon pieces (you can eyeball it), and then a cup of shredded cheddar cheese and mix it all together.

Form it into a ball.

Put the rest of the shredded cheddar in a bowl, and roll the cheese ball in the shredded cheese, pressing gently to make sure all sides get covered.

Once it's all coated, place it on a plate, or if you have a fancy Halloween themed serving dish/platter, that would be ideal. But I don't. So I just used a plate.

Smush it down just a tad, so that the top is flattened. Like a disc. A cheese disc, if you will.

Now, you decorate! This is the fun part. I used black peppercorns.

Hi Sam!!
Ta Da!!! Cute, huh? I KNOW.

Now, I have to give credit where credit is due. The Cowboy walked in when I was putting the face on and took one look at it and started telling me all the ways I was putting the peppercorns on a cheese ball pumpkin in the wrong fashion. I didn't realize there was a rule book on this type of thing, but by the way he was talking, apparently, he wrote it.

Oh sorry, I was supposed to be giving him credit, right? So yeah, The Cowboy did the face on this one, because mine was "wrong".

Oh, and I used a little slice of bell pepper for the stalk. I just happened to have that in my fridge, but you could use whatever you have. Celery, a stick, what have you.

Now here's the best part - this recipe can be used at other holidays too. For Christmas, I made 3 smaller balls, and instead of rolling the cheese mixture (which is the same) in the cheddar cheese, I roll it in grated Parmesan cheese (who am I kidding, I use the green can stuff and I don't care), and make a snowman!! Then decorate with peppercorn buttons, a carrot nose and cracker hat. If The Cowboy's Rule Book says it's ok that is. You can even do a Thanksgiving turkey. Really, go nuts. Get creative. Eat the cheese. People will love you for bringing it. I always, always serve it with Keebler Town House crackers, which, if I may be honest with you, I think is far superior to Ritz. But you use whatever kinds of crackers you like.

Party pictures to come later today or tomorrow! Good times were had by all! I'm off to take a nap.