The Adventures of Keltherine

In case you've been wondering (and I know you have, don't lie) what I've been up to in the past 5 months, it can pretty much be summed up in one word: Keltherine.

Back in March or April, my friend Kellie and I decided that we were slowly, but quite efficiently, morphing into one Super Awesome Being. We spent enough time together, and essentially had the same tastes, likes and dislikes, beliefs, morals (or lack thereof), and thirst for alcohol. We discovered that we both hate the word moist. We both love to eat cheese. We both think it's hilarious to say the word "ass" while we burp. We both want to make the sexy time with Alexander Skarsgard.

We started dressing alike when we went out, unintentionally. We decided to call our new dual identity Keltherine. I'd like to show you what she's been up to this past summer.

In May, we threw on some Michael Jackson sparkly gloves and went to an 80's concert in the park. (you can see we're dressed alike...down to the sunglasses and flip flops, which are not visible)

Later in May, we wowed locals with our karaoke version of Sir Mix-a-lot's classic, "Baby Got Back" (again, dressed alike)

In June we...

Celebrated a friend's 40th birthday (who are those girls in the green dresses?)

And played Chicken Shit Bingo, which is exactly what it sounds like. And also, awesome.

In July, we traveled to exotic Ohio and Michigan on our Keltherine 2010 Summer Tour, where we visited with the 2 friends who brought us together in the first place, Heather and Dani. (and again....)

We celebrated our Nation's independence.....

By enjoying some lukewarm Colt 45. Thank you, Billy Dee Williams.

In August we demonstrated how tan I'd become over the summer, and how pasty white Kellie remained. Oh, and we wine tasted.

We hung out with Reenie (hi!) at Luckenbach.... 

And sweet talked some big cocks. 

We said goodbye to summer and hello to Dallas Night Club with Kourtney. 

And in September, we watched football and cut off at Pluckers for being "too loud". Or too drunk. Potato. Po-tah-to.

Keltherine has been busy.

Seriously. Kellie and I have both been through a lot in the past 4 months, and I know I speak for both of us when I say that we thank God every day that we found each other. She has been my rock, my mother, my sister, my care giver, my biggest fan and my best friend over the past few months. I wouldn't have gotten through everything that I have gone through without her, and I feel confident saying that she wouldn't have gotten through her shit without me either. I'm not prone to cheese it up, but I mean it kids, she's alright.

To Kellie: Thank you. Steve loves Jews. Always.

100th Post

Drum roll please........

Here it is!!! 100 posts.

In a year.

Now that I think about it, that's not such a great accomplishment.

Anyway, I'm here to announce the winner of my Blogiversary Contest. I used random.org, and had them choose a number between 1 and 16 and the number was 11.

Lucky number 11, which was Daisymum! Daisymum is my friend Carrie, who I met on Ravelry (the "Facebook" for knitters and crocheters, "really cool people") and have gotten to know through her blog, knit fiber. Click on the link above to visit her blog.

Congratulations Carrie! You've been one of my most loyal followers, and I'm glad you won. Comment me and let me know if you'd like a hand knit item (socks, perhaps?) or one of my bags. You can send me your address via the Rav, and I will get to work on your item right away!

If you didn't win, chill out. I'm going to have another blog contest at the end of the month for my birthday.

Thanks again to everyone for reading my nonsense over the past year.









































































































































































































































It's been an, um, eventful year.

Happy Halloween

I am sorry that this post is coming to you 4 days late. I am sorry that I don't have a better excuse as to why I didn't post it sooner. I am sorry that I am lazy. But you know what I'm not sorry about? I'm not working today. So put that in your pipe and smoke it.

I don't know what that means. My "Paw" used to smoke a pipe. And when I say "Paw" I don't mean Grandfather, as you may think. No. We used to have neighbors when I was really little and I called them Paw and Nee-Nee. Or, PawNeeNee. They were just an older couple, friends of my parents. But he smoked a pipe. That's really the only thing I remember about him.

Now, you may be thinking that was a tangent, and perhaps it started off as one, but I'm going to tie it all together right now. Are you ready for this? It's gonna be good.

You know who else smokes a pipe? Sure, a different kind of pipe altogether, but for purposes of tying my thoughts together today we're gonna go with it.....

Amy Winehouse.

Wait, that's not Amy Winehouse. No.....that's ME!!! Cracked out as Amy Winehouse for Halloween. (also perhaps the second worst picture of me ever taken, second only to this one of course)

Here's a close up. I went for a "cleaner" and "healthier" version of Amy. And by healthier of course what I mean is "fatter". Because, sadly, I am not crack-skinny.

Everybody sing it with me now.

They tried to make me go to rehab, I said NO NO NO.

Is that the only Amy Winehouse song you know? I have to admit that it's not for me. I downloaded her whole "Back to Black" CD and if I'm being honest? I mean, I'm nothing if not honest, right? I like the CD. It's actually really good. Sure, she's completely cracked out, and the media glamorizes her lifestyle to a point and it's not helping her get any better. But that girl can sang. Don't take my word for it, have a listen for yourself. Or if you want, you can just come over here and I will put on my wig and perform a little medley for you. That's what I did for the Cowboy who had no idea who on God's green earth Amy Winehouse was. He's so naive. I love that about him.

Here he is in costume.The Cowboy (L) and The Cart Pusher (his brother, Brent) (R) as Mario and Luigi.

Remember how the Cowboy took the credit for the pumpkin cheese ball face? I'm taking the credit for these costumes. They were totally my idea. And pretty damn clever if I do say so myself.

And I do. I gotta take all the credit I can get.

Mommy and Daddy Stinky Pants were a werewolf and the poor bastard who gets attacked by a werewolf.

Wolves were a popular choice.

Here's Robert and Michelle as The Big Bad Wolf and Little Red Riding Hood.

Here's Wes and D as a pimp and one of his ladies. All night Wes kept saying "Hold on, wait a minute, let me put some pimpin' in it." And D had a black eye that you can't really see in this picture. She threw this costume together last minute when her other one didn't fit. Several of my friends didn't know who I was. They just thought I was some kind of big haired whore. All that time and energy I invested into my Amy Winehouse costume and I walk in and they don't even get it. Shame.

Here's The Cuteness' parents. She was a basketball player and he was a toga dude, obvs.

Kevin, as Paul Bunyan.

Lanice (I'm sure I'm spelling her name wrong, sorry Lanice) as a Boo Bee. Hehehehehe. Boobie.

Oh. Are you looking at what I'm looking at? Who cares about the Boo Bee when that guy is standing in the background? Yeah.

If I were giving away an award for the best costume of the night, this guy would get it. I'm not going to say his real name, because he's really a cop, and I don't want him to get into any kind of trouble.

Someone call the cops. I'm sure it's illegal for a man to wear shorts this short. Or it should be.

It should also be illegal to be this cute. Or this stinky.

Candid party shots.

David didn't dress up. If there is one thing that annoys me, it's when people don't dress up for a Halloween party. Dammit David, there is no excuse. I mean, who do you think you are? Why are you so special that you can just wear regular, HOLD UP WAIT A MINUTELET ME PUT SOME PIMPIN IN IT.

Sorry.

That's just rude.

Stinky and Miss Winehouse wish you all a very Happy (and safe!) Halloween!!!

Freaks and Geeks

First of all, does anyone but me remember that show (Freaks and Geeks) that was on NBC for like a minute a few years ago? Circa 2000? It was only on for one season, if that, and it had James Franco and Seth Rogan? I think it was produced by Judd Apatow, who of course we now know from his movies such as The 40-Year Old Virgin, Knocked Up, and Superbad (among others). Anyway, I loved that show!!! It was hilarious!!! I was so bummed when it got canceled.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaand that was a huge tangent because I'm actually here today to talk to you more about ACL. And the freak show that you get to see live and in person at ACL. Don't get me wrong, I love it. My cousin said it best when she put that "anything goes" at ACL. And that pretty much sums it all up. It's a great place to go and people watch. Which I did a lot of this past weekend.

Now I'd like to point out that I am not judging. You all know me, I'm a lover not a fighter. My life philosophy is do unto others. As long as you aren't hurting anybody else, it's all good by me. Carry on. Plus, I mean, let's be honest, I am in no position to judge anyone.
Right?
But I did see some nuts there.
This guy was so high, he could barely stand upright, let along keep his eyes open. He kept leaning over to one side, slooooooooooowly, and then his buddy would push him upright and he'd leeeeeeeeeeeeean over the other side. His eyes were half closed the whole time, and he seemed to think everything was hilarious. He was having fun. God bless him.
You can see the back of this guy's head in the picture of High Guy above. I call this guy Johnny Mustache. For what I hope are obvious reasons. I have no comment about the hat. Ok, yes I do. I have a comment. I love it. Where can I get one? Johnny Mustache would you please let me have it?
Despite all evidence to the contrary, I assure you that my cousin Angela was not chemically enhanced in any way, shape or form at the time this picture was taken. She didn't even have a beer the whole time we were at ACL. Only iced tea for her and her husband, the Doctah. To tell you the truth, I'm not sure what the hell she was doing in this picture, because unlike her, I did have some beers. So I don't really remember this.

Moving on.Monchichi? Monchichi is that you? At ACL? Are you putting your little Monchichi thumb in your mouth? Or are you smoking a j? I can't tell. Take those shades of Monchichi Man and let me see you!
THIS GUY WAS AWESOME. Take a minute and carefully study this guy. Look at the shorts, in particular. Yes, they are cutoffs. Jean cutoffs. Tight jean cutoffs. Look at the facial hair situation. Handlebar mustache. Chops. Feathered sides.Here's a better shot of the face. I was unable to get any closer shots of this guy and every time I tried someone walked right in front of my camera. I didn't want to be obvious. I imagine his name is something like Steve. Or Chico. Or Robby. And I imagine that Steve/Chico/Robby dresses up like a cop in his spare time. With the whole get-up. Cop hat. Badge. Baton. Maybe even long pants if he is feeling crazy. He just has that "look" to him.

The funniest fun-ball I saw there was at the Kevin Fowler show. I didn't get any pictures of this guy, but behold! I did get a video. This video doesn't do this guy justice. He was a dancing fool. He was getting down like no one I have ever seen. He was all by himself. He was approximately 55. He. Did. Not. Care.



Ok I just watched this video and it's crap. I am sorry. I'm going to leave it here, though, because although you can't see the guy dancing, not even a little bit, what you can see is that I start to laugh as I'm watching him, and the camera starts to shake. Ang and I had tears rolling down our cheeks from watching this guy. After the show, everyone standing around him gave him high fives for all his "spectacular" moves. He looks a lot like Elaine from Seinfeld. I've been told I have a similar dancing style. This guy and I, we were kindred spirits.

That's all for my ACL posts. I will resume my regularly scheduled blogging tomorrow. I got a new job, so for awhile I'm not sure how often I'll be able to blog. I might actually have to, gasp!, work. Imagine!