Recipe: Shrimp Salad

Recipe time! I've been thinking a lot about various recipes I want to post here, and I have several in the queue. I'm excited to share them. Today's recipe is more of a summer time salad, but I've only missed the official summer cut-off by 4 days, and here in Texas it still feels like summer, so I'd say we're all good. This salad is fast, easy and super yummy. It is my friend Christy's recipe, so thanks Christy for allowing me to share it! And sorry I forgot to ask first. I figure it's always easier to ask for forgiveness than it is permission.

So, for shrimp salad you will need the following ingredients:

1 pound shrimp*
1/2 bag pasta of your choosing (I like the small shells)
1 cucumber
1 green pepper
4-5 green onions
1/4 to 1/2 bag frozen peas (depending on the size of the bag and how much you like peas, I happen to like them a lot)
1/2 cup mayo
1/2 cup Ranch dressing

*The shrimp. Here's the deal - depending on the size of the shrimp you get, you have several options. This time around I bought the tee-tiny super adorable witty bitty baby swimps. Usually I just get regular sized shrimp and cut them in half. But you can leave whole shrimps in there if that's how you roll. I prefer for everything to be bite size. I am all about aesthetics. Also, the little shrimp I bought this time was pre-cooked and frozen, so I didn't have to cook them. I highly recommend going with a pre-cooked shrimp, but if you got something else on sale (and I get it, shrimp is expensive), then you'll have to boil the shrimp first and allow it to cool. I said this recipe was easy, right? Maybe I lied.

To make the salad, boil water and cook noodles according to directions. Cut up all your veggies into bite size pieces, pretty much the same size. Here's a picture of my veggies all cut up and waiting.

How green and pretty! You can see why this would make a good spring/summer salad. Oh, and the peas? I don't even cook them, I just toss them in frozen from the bag. They will thaw out in no time.

Once the noodles are done, drain them and allow them to cool. They don't have to be cold, just cool to the touch. Once you add them in to all the cool crisp veggies, they'll cool down even more.

I don't know why I've included a picture of the noodles cooling in the strainer. It's a completely useless picture.

Toss the noodles, shrimp and veggies together in a large bowl. In a smaller bowl or large measuring glass, mix the Ranch and mayo together. I use light Ranch and light mayo. I figure no one needs that much dressing in their lives. Some people don't believe in light Ranch or light mayo, and think it's a sin against food. Do what you like. Either way, whisk them together until there are no more lumps. Think of it like gravy. No one wants the lumps.

And now just toss the dressing in with the salad. You'll want to kind of eyeball it and maybe only add a little dressing at a time. You can always add more, but you can't take it away. Don't make it too soupy - this is supposed to be light! Just mix until it's well combined, chill for an hour and serve!

It makes great leftovers, too. The longer it sits the better it gets. Yum!! This is a great light lunch. Christy served it at our last book club and it was fantastic! If you're hosting a book club or ladies lunch or something, this is a great recipe. Thanks again, Christy!

A Special Sunday Story

Yesterday morning I was in the mood for a kolache. If you're not Czech, or you don't live in this area, you may have no idea what a kolache is. I didn't until I moved here. Kolaches are a Czech pastry. They can have fruit, cheese, or meat filling. Basically, it's a fancy Czech term for either a danish, donut, or pig in a blanket. That's the best way I can describe them to someone who's never had one. I like the kind with the little mini sausages and cheese in them. They are delicious. This picture does not do them justice.

So. It's Saturday morning and I want some. There's a little bakery down the street that sells them, so I get in the car and go. This is kind of a boring story so far, isn't it? I'm sorry. It's about to get better. I hope.

I'm in my neighborhood. I'm driving the speed limit. I'm wearing my seat belt. My registration and inspection are both current. I'm not texting. And I'm sober as a judge. I come to a 4 way stop, and I'm turning right. There is a cop in the on the road I'm about to turn on, also at the stop sign. I signal my turn and wait for him to go. He was there first. He starts to go, and as I  make my turn, I see him do a quick U-turn and turn his lights on.

Oh for crying out loud.

I rack my brains and try to figure out what in Moses' name I could possibly be getting pulled over for. As I said, I was obeying all the rules of the road. And I know I'd come to a complete stop at the stop sign because he had the right of way. I seriously have no idea at this point what the hell this cop could want with me. Because of this, I'm not really nervous. Now, I've been pulled over before when I know I've been speeding, or ran a red light, or what have you, and I've been shaking, nervous, on the verge of tears. But this time, I couldn't see that I had done anything wrong, and furthermore, the cops in my little community are (pardon my French) DICKS, so I just kind of sat back and waited to see what ol' John Q had to say.

"Good morning ma'am," (strike one, don't call me ma'am, buddy) "I'm Office Asshole with the Mayberry Police Department. You're being pulled over this morning because you failed to signal 100 feet before making your turn. Is there a reason for this ma'am?" (again with the ma'am)

"Uhhh, um, no." (seriously, that's probably more eloquent than I actually was. I was dumbfounded.) I stare blankly at him.

"Are you in some kind of hurry this morning? What's the rush?"

Blank stare continues. "No rush." Feeble shrug. "Didn't even realize......" my sentence trails off. I don't even know what to say.

"License and insurance please?"

I hand them over. He walks back to his car. And I sit there. And think. And think. Let me paint the picture for you.

I'm in a residential neighborhood. I'm not on a busy street. In fact, there was no one behind me when I approached this stop sign. The cop was on the other street, also at the stop sign. It was 9:00 on a Saturday morning. There were no children playing in the street (as there sometimes are in my neighborhood). I was not speeding. I came to a complete stop. I USED MY SIGNAL. I just didn't turn it on 100 feet prior to making my turn. So for this, the cop MAKES A U-TURN, and pulls me the fuck over. Pardon my French again. But are you fucking kidding me??

Wow, what a menace I am. What a dangerous driver. Thank goodness he was there to prevent me from hurting anyone. Don't bother pulling over people who are, oh, I don't know, actually speeding (which I still think is ridiculous in most situations), or killing people, or selling crack cocaine, or molesting children. No, I'm the real threat to society.

At least he didn't ask to search my car and find that dismembered body and kilo of pure Mexican heroin in my trunk. Whew. Close call.

So he comes back and says,

"Ma'am, I'm only going to write you a warning today. I need you to sign here, which indicates that I have given you a warning for failing to signal 100 feet before your turn."

I sign.

"Thank you. Here's your license and your copy of the warning. You drive safe today."

"..........thanks........."

And I pull away. And I make sure to put my signal on RIGHT THEN AND THERE for the turn that was 2 blocks up. Just in case.

They didn't sell beer or hard liquor at the bakery, which was probably a good thing. And the more I've thought about this little run-in with the law since it happened, the more outraged I've become. I can't see ANY circumstance that would be acceptable for him to pull someone over for THAT. I just can't. Can you? Seriously, please tell me. Because I sure as hell know it wasn't at 9 on a Saturday morning in my own damn neighborhood with no one around me. If he'd have given me a ticket, I would be fighting it. As it is, I will be writing a letter to the good ol' Mayberry Police Department. And the first thing I will tell them is:

You have a pleasant day.

The Great Jean Conundrum

As most of you already know, I've been trying to lose weight since last January. I've been pretty successful - at my lowest I was down 23 pounds - and I've been able to keep most of the weight off. Hey, no one is perfect. Cut me some slack. I like to hit the sauce, and those calories add up.

But the really good news is that I'm down 2 pants sizes. Well, almost. Here's the situation. For the sake of this story, let's just pretend that I used to be a size 6. And I did. In high school. 14 years ago. But let's pretend that I was a size 6 in January when I started losing weight. Go ahead and take a minute and laugh at the absurdity of this suggestion. I know, it's ridiculous. Har har. Size 6. Whatever. Skinny bitches.

Anyway, for the sake of argument, and also for the sake of I'm not going to tell you my real pants size, I was a size 6 in January. All fat and happy in my size 6 pants. And then I started losing weight, and pretty soon, I was wearing size 4. And lots of my pants were size 4s anyway, and I had some pants that I hadn't worn in a few months, size 4, and I threw those on too. And of course, I bought a few new pairs of pants/shorts as well. So the weight loss continues..... and now my size 4s are too loose. They start falling off me as I'm chasing a kid across the playground, or pushing a friend's car through the intersection as we're leaving the bar one night. Hypothetically, of course.

And I can't keep my size 4s up. And belts don't help. I'm not a belt person anyway. So, I go to the store and I try on a size 2 and - lo! Behold! They fit. Almost. I mean, I can get them over my gigantic thighs, hips and ass. And I can button them. And I can breathe, for the most part. So I consider this a victory. And they make my ass look spectacular, and they're on sale for $20, so I buy 2 pairs. But here's the deal - they're just ever so slightly tight. I can wear them, but by the end of the day, I'm jonesing big time for my sweats, and I'm afraid that if I bend over too quickly, or immediately after lunch, they might split open. Ok, not really. I mean it's not like they're painted on. But they're a bit snug. So today I'm wearing my size 4s, and they're too big.

What the hell. The 4s are too big and the 2s are too small. They both fit, but neither is comfortable. Apparently, I need a size 3. Do they make size 3? No, they don't. I know that this should motivate me to lose another 8 pounds or so, so that the 2s fit me better, but dammit I'm pissed. Why is it so hard to find jeans that fit? Is it too much to ask? Does anyone else have this problem?

The end.

The Adventures of Keltherine

In case you've been wondering (and I know you have, don't lie) what I've been up to in the past 5 months, it can pretty much be summed up in one word: Keltherine.

Back in March or April, my friend Kellie and I decided that we were slowly, but quite efficiently, morphing into one Super Awesome Being. We spent enough time together, and essentially had the same tastes, likes and dislikes, beliefs, morals (or lack thereof), and thirst for alcohol. We discovered that we both hate the word moist. We both love to eat cheese. We both think it's hilarious to say the word "ass" while we burp. We both want to make the sexy time with Alexander Skarsgard.

We started dressing alike when we went out, unintentionally. We decided to call our new dual identity Keltherine. I'd like to show you what she's been up to this past summer.

In May, we threw on some Michael Jackson sparkly gloves and went to an 80's concert in the park. (you can see we're dressed alike...down to the sunglasses and flip flops, which are not visible)

Later in May, we wowed locals with our karaoke version of Sir Mix-a-lot's classic, "Baby Got Back" (again, dressed alike)

In June we...

Celebrated a friend's 40th birthday (who are those girls in the green dresses?)

And played Chicken Shit Bingo, which is exactly what it sounds like. And also, awesome.

In July, we traveled to exotic Ohio and Michigan on our Keltherine 2010 Summer Tour, where we visited with the 2 friends who brought us together in the first place, Heather and Dani. (and again....)

We celebrated our Nation's independence.....

By enjoying some lukewarm Colt 45. Thank you, Billy Dee Williams.

In August we demonstrated how tan I'd become over the summer, and how pasty white Kellie remained. Oh, and we wine tasted.

We hung out with Reenie (hi!) at Luckenbach.... 

And sweet talked some big cocks. 

We said goodbye to summer and hello to Dallas Night Club with Kourtney. 

And in September, we watched football and cut off at Pluckers for being "too loud". Or too drunk. Potato. Po-tah-to.

Keltherine has been busy.

Seriously. Kellie and I have both been through a lot in the past 4 months, and I know I speak for both of us when I say that we thank God every day that we found each other. She has been my rock, my mother, my sister, my care giver, my biggest fan and my best friend over the past few months. I wouldn't have gotten through everything that I have gone through without her, and I feel confident saying that she wouldn't have gotten through her shit without me either. I'm not prone to cheese it up, but I mean it kids, she's alright.

To Kellie: Thank you. Steve loves Jews. Always.

32 Random Facts about Steve

It's time for some "getting to know you" here on Kibbles and Knits. Since I've been gone for so long, and I was challenged by another bloggy friend of mine to do a "100 Things About Me" section of my blog. I couldn't come up with 100. I'm not that exciting. It was a hard enough coming up with 32. Why 32? Because that's how old I am. I figure I'm allowed 1 "interesting" (and I use that term loosely, believe me) thing about myself for every year I've been alive. Any more than that and a) I'm narcissistic (although I have a blog, so one could make that assumption anyway) and b) you'd stop reading after awhile. Hell, I don't blame you. Who wants to read a list of 100 things about anyone? No one is that interesting.

Oh, and Steve (from the title) = me. That's another story for another day. So here we go.

1. I have never seen one episode of The Simpsons

2. Whenever I go to buy gas, or am leaving a tip at a restaurant, the total HAS to be a rounded dollar. If I am pumping as and it stops at $12.01, I will go up to $13.00 if possible. If not, $12.50. Same with leaving a tip. I don't think I am the only one who does this.

3. I bruise like a peach, and am a total klutz. My legs and arms are always covered in bruises. Sometimes I like to tell people "he had to tell me twice". It's not always funny. In fact, domestic violence is never funny. But sometimes my jokes are.

4. I don't like people touching my feet. At all. Ever. When I go get pedicures, I have to have several drinks prior. And I still giggle and laugh like an idiot.

5. I do not care for Pierce Brosnan. "Hate" is a strong word. But you get what I'm saying.

6. I have read all of the Harry Potter books at least 3 times. I'm sure I will read them all again someday.

7. I live near arguably the best city in this country for live music (Austin, TX) and I rarely go downtown. It's a shame.

8. I've never seen the movie Mary Poppins. I've discussed this before on my blog, and I still haven't bothered to watch it. I guess I don't really think I'm missing anything.

9. If you clicked on the Mary Poppins link and read that post, you would have seen another confession of mine at the bottom of the page: I don't like pizza. This shocks people to no end. I kept it a big secret for many years, because people would literally be dumbfounded when I told them. Still are. I guess I need to do an entire blog dedicated to my distaste for pizza. There is a story to be told there. And a little bit of redemption for me.

10. Two things will always make me laugh, no matter how old I get. Farts and falling. I'm sorry. It's always going to be funny when someone falls down (unless, of course, they're seriously hurt, but for that one split second before I find out that they cracked their skull, I'm going to laugh - sorry, just keepin' it real), and it's always going to be funny when someone farts.

11. I love cheesy 70s and 80s pop/rock music like REO Speedwagon, Chicago, Air Supply, Queen, Styx, Journey.

12. I believe in aliens. Not in a creepy sense (if that's possible), but in the sense that I think it's pretty arrogant of us humans/earthlings to believe that we are the ONLY species out there. It's a pretty darn big galaxy, and there's a lot more out there that I'm sure we don't know about. I believe that somewhere, somehow there are other living organisms of some sort. Do I think they're tiny little green men in spacesuits with large glassy black eyes and fly in saucers? No. But I do think there's something out there.

13. And for that matter, I think our government knows more than they tell us.

14. I went streaking once in January. This was years ago, up in Michigan. The weather was unseasonably warm, and some friends and I went streaking on the golf course at the country club.

15. I'm terrified of Canadian Geese.

16. Despite that, I'd love to live in Canada. God's Country up there. It's so beautiful and clean up there. The people are so nice and friendly and talk so funnily! The beer is strong and delicious, and they love hockey and curling, 2 of the best sports. It's a shame it's so damn cold there. I don't do cold.

17. I talk to my dogs like they are people, and I use voices to carry on their halves of the conversations. They're my best friends.

18. I know all the words to "American Pie" by Don McLean.

19. If I were going to go lesbian (and I'm not, but IF I were), here's the short list: Elisabeth Shue, Ashley Judd, Rachel McAdams, Michelle Obama.

20. You know how people ask if you're a morning person, or an evening person? I'm pretty sure I'm neither. I'm tired in the morning, and I'm tired in the evening. Should I be alarmed? My best hours are between 9 and 3. Anything before or after that and I'm essentially worthless.

21. Olive Garden commercials very much displease and annoy me to no end.

22. I love to make and re-make lists. Can you tell?

23. I'm obsessed with all things Vera Bradley.

24. Chewbacca was my first love. If you know this story, consider yourself amongst my closest friends.

25. I always check the backseat of my car when I get in. You never know who might be hiding back there. A murderer waiting to attack? Jason Bateman waiting to propose marriage? Ed MacMahon with a big check? Wait, is Ed MacMahon dead? Rest in Peace.

26. I hate smoking, smoke, smokers. I think my mom thinks I used to secretly smoke. Many years ago she found a pack of cigarettes in my purse. They were my boyfriend's. I tried explaining that to her, but she didn't believe me. MOTHER, LISTEN HERE. I'm 32 years old and have no reason to lie to you. Those cigarettes were Matt's! Not mine!

27. My biggest pet peeve is when people say "supposably". That's not a word, geniuses.

28. I used to want to convert to Judaism, and I was obsessed with All Things Jewish.

29. I took classical violin lessons for many years. I used to be pretty good, but these days I suck. I wish I'd kept up with it.

30. I've had so many nicknames over the years, I've lost track. Among my favorites are: Cake, Caps, The Chip and the latest - Trash Bag.

31. I have a pillow named Norma that I've had since I was a small child, and I have a hard time sleeping without it.

32. I like to cook, and think I'm pretty darn good at it. This was not always the case. Once, years and years ago (over 10), my Aunt Suz and I were supposed to be in a cooking contest against each other. She's a notoriously bad cook also. My uncles had set up a whole plan, and were planning on judging whose cooking was better. The contest was to take place in January. Then, Christmas rolled around. My food assignment for that year was the make an appetizer. Suz's was to make a dessert. This was not part of the contest, mind you, but simply what we were supposed to bring to my mom's house for Christmas dinner. I wowed and dazzled my family with a delicious sausage appetizer thingy (which my cousin affectionately named "Arf Loaf"), and Suz showed up with a bag of Mini-Snickers. FOR CHRISTMAS DESSERT. The contest was called off. I was declared the winner by default, and Suz is now asked to bring paper products and ice to family gatherings.

So there you have it! A little glimpse into the batshitcraziness that is me. It's good to be back.

Kibbles and Who?

Life happens. Is happening. Has happened. I know it's been months (I didn't even bother counting how many) since I've posted. And I realize most of you probably didn't even miss me. Maybe a few. Hi, mom. But life has been happening.

I've been struggling with myself for about 2 weeks now, because I've wanted to blog, but I felt, hell, still feel, like I needed to provide you all with some sort of explanation about why I've been gone so long, and what's been going on in my life. And I would sit down to type it all out, and the words wouldn't come. I just didn't know what to say.

I was camping this past weekend with some friends who asked about my blog and what the hell had happened to it, and I was explaining to them my conundrum, and one of them said, so simply: "Catherine, you don't owe anyone anything. You don't need to give an explanation. Just blog."

And I thought, now there's an idea. The people in my life who matter the most know what has been going on with me since May. And for anyone else who might still check in here on occasion and look for a new post, well, no offense, but none of your damn beeswax.

So with that being said, I'm back! I have lots of things to write about. Updates on my knitting projects, my Etsy store, more recipes, pictures of babies and cute kids, pictures of my feet. You know, the usual Tom Foolery that Kibbles & Knits is all about.

Honestly, I have missed blogging and I'm sorry I've been gone. Fall is my favorite season and I can't let it go by without blogging. Even if all I write about is my continuing obsession with the Pumpkin Spice Latte. I know that people out there want to read about it.