Monday, December 22, 2008

Michigan or Bust!

It's 6:00 and I'm sitting here blogging, an old Snoop Doggy Dogg song running through my head:

"I got some b!tches in the living room getting in on, and they ain't leavin' till six in tha mo'nin

Ah, Snoop. You always seem to find a way to put into words all of those little tricky life situations.

We leave for Michigan today. We are driving. It should take about 2 days and all the patience I can muster to ride in the car with The Cowboy, AKA He Who Thinks He is the Only and Best Driver in the Word and on the Road, and All Other People Should Get the Hell Out of His Way or He Will Run You Off the Road Because You Are An Idiot and Clearly Don't Know How to Drive For Shit.

Does Snoop have a song for that? I'm thinking I'll take a large sedative. Wake me when we cross over the border in Ohio.

Accompanying us on this journey will be my gnew gnome friend

This is Lloyd. He's a Michignome. He was a gift from my friend Cheeto (Stinky Pants' Mom). He is appropriately named after the recently retired and beloved coach of Michigan football (before they sucked this year, thank you RichRod), Lloyd Carr.

I am really looking forward to a nice, long, relaxing trip home, where I get to see my family, my friends and all my favorite places that they just don't have here in Austin, Texas (Meijer, Coney Island, Trader Joe's, Panera). Because of this, I'm not sure how often, if at all, I will be blogging while I'm gone. But I will be taking LOTS of pictures, and mentally writing lots of blogs. So I'll have lots to report when I get back.

I hope you all have a great, wonderful, magical, safe and fun holiday, where ever you may be and however you choose to spend it.

It's a Festivus for the Rest of Us!

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Apparently, no one loves me this year.

It is December 17th, right?

Christmas is still on the 25th of this year, if I'm not mistaken.

That's 8 days away.

One week from tomorrow, if you will.

I've gotten a total of 6 Christmas cards so far. Here they are.

Except that 3 of them were for The Cowboy, and 1 from a lady I used to work with who I only spoke to like twice. Seriously. She gave me a Christmas card, but are there any up there from my family?


From my friends in Michigan? Who all have kids?

No and no.

I love getting Christmas cards. Every day for the past week and a half (or so), I've rushed home to look at the mail and see what cards came. And every day for the past week and a half (or so), I've been sad. I've wanted to cry and crawl in a hole of self pity and despair.

Bah Humbug.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

No Freaking Wonder

It was 81 degrees in Austin yesterday.

Then, last night.....THIS

It's no freaking wonder I'm sick.

**To my friends and family in Michigan who are going to tell me to shut up because it's been snowing there for a month already and I used to be used to it and blar blar blar, I say the following: 1) I'm not complaining about the was actually quite lovely (while it lasted for all of 20 minutes) and 2) SAVE IT. You come live in a warm climate for 2 and a half years and tell me your blood doesn't thin out.

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Mom? I need you...

I am sick. Dog ass sick. Coughing, sneezing, stuffy-head and all the rest of the adjectives used in the Nyquil commercials sick. I need my mom.

The Cowboy has been sick too, but is starting to feel better and has been taking decent care of me.

But let's face it. There's no substitute for your mom. I'm not too old to admit it.

Sunday, December 7, 2008

Chuck Woolery would be proud

I met a cyber friend today. Lisatastrophies - a reader of this blog and winner of my blog contest and fellow resident of Austin and frequent shopper of The Knitting Nest. Lisa and I had been talking back and forth via our blogs (hers, by the way is hee-LAR-ious, if you haven't checked it out already, what are you waiting for?) and Ravelry. When she won the contest, we both thought it would be fitting that we met each other finally (so she could receive her winnings) at (Duh) The Knitting Nest.
It was kind of like a blind date. But with a friend. Who you sort of know. But not really. You know a lot about this person, but then again, you don't know anything at all about them. I mean, she didn't even know my real name! She talks about all sorts of crazy things on her blog, as do I, and so we know silly little details about each other's lives, but we don't know a lot of big stuff. It was weird.

Anyway, while I was getting ready to go, I kept thinking "What should I wear? I want to make a good impression" (by the way, I decided on jeans and a sweatshirt and was pleased to see she had selected the same outfit) and "I hope she likes me" and "What if she's weird" and "What if she's really crazy and tries to kill me, steal my yarn and dispose of the body in a dumpster?"

This are things you need to consider when meeting an online acquaintance for the first time. Important stuff.

You can all rest easy. The meeting went wonderfully. For starters, we were in broad daylight. Second, it was a public place. And finally, Lisa did not have a third eye, mustache, snaggletooth, bad hair, or any other offensive traits.

She did seem to think that she smelled (she did not) from a friend who had stayed at her place, and I was coughing all over the place and talking in my super sexy sick man voice, so we were kind of even in that regard.

Anyway, as I said, it went well. We chatted for about an hour about ourselves, and then we knit for a little while. She showed me some things, and I showed her some things. It was a good exchange. Then we drooled over some of the yarn at TKN, though neither of us bought any (we did both buy some new DPNs, though).

All in all, a successful friend blind date!

Lisa, are you reading this? I'd love to ask you out for a second date. Let's see who our audience selected for me.....

We'll be back in two and two.

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Despite Appearances....

Contrary to how it looks, I've gotten a lot done in the past week. Let's review.

House - decorated (inside anyway, The Cowboy is in charge of the exterior holiday illumination, a la Clark W. Griswold and he's been sick sick sick for over a week, the poor bastard)

Shopping - done (except for a few minor things for The Cowboy for his stocking and what not)

Gifts - wrapped

Tree - up
Cards - signed, sealed and stamped to be dropped in the mailbox tomorrow

Knitted Christmas Items - almost done (save one more that I'm just starting on for one of my cousins, but it will only take me 2 days, MAX)

Blog contest winners packages - mailed, delivered or scheduled delivery (I get to meet Lisatastrophies in person, yay!)

Yarn Swap from Ravelry package - delivered

(those bastards at the US Post Office who I and my friend Heather both hate very much got like $30 of my money today, which I parted with not easily)

Sometimes I ask myself how I do it all. And then I pat myself on the back. All that's left to do is bake cookies and make party mix and I am waiting until the second week of December for that, so now I'm just relaxing, reading (re-reading, actually, Eat, Pray, Love which if you haven't read it you should because it was so good that I'm reading it again. It soothes me), and knitting for pleasure. And drinking wine. Right now, I mean. Not all the time. Hehe, I wish. I could be so lucky.

Hey remember how I told you about those fancy shmancy Christmas decorations I used to make for my friends? Well I took some pictures. Sit down my friends, you're about to get your pants knocked off. I am so damn crafty.

The first year I made these little guys - Snowmen.

Then came the Angels (I KNOW!!!!).

And finally, Rudolph.

I stopped there, though I contemplated doing a Santa Claus, but did not. These little characters are between 3 and 4 inches tall and are among my favorite Christmas decorations. Mostly because I did them myself.

Speaking of things I did myself, I painted this Nativity. I bought the figures plain ceramic and painted them. Damn, I'm good.

I didn't make this, but someone did. Everyone in my family has one of these trees. Do you? I think they're old school. This one belonged to my late great aunt Betty (Betty Six Tooth, we used to call her, for reasons that I don't think need explanation). When she passed, it became mine and I love it. The Cowboy broke the tip off a few years ago and I about died. I was so overcome with grief. He glued it back on, but you can still see where it broke.

Here's our "real" tree. I put it up all by myself while The Cowboy laid his sick ass on the couch and told me where to put stuff. He's awfully bossy when he's sick. And oh. Those lights? Yeah, not my first choice. I prefer the white lights, but the Cowboy went all LED crazy on me last year and bought all new Christmas lights for both the inside and outside, so I have to use them for at least a few years and then I'll switch back and he'll never know.
Moose likes the tree.
I like snow globes.

Coincidentally, the dogs didn't help me one bit. They are so lazy!

But they're also really really cute.
Hope your holiday preparations are coming along as swimmingly as mine!!!

Monday, November 24, 2008

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas!

Is just one of the songs you will hear on A Very Chappy Christmas, Volume I - IV. My blog contest is officially over. Thanks to everyone who participated, and if you didn't, then you are a loser. LUH-YOOZ-ERRR. And you will rue the day that you didn't enter my contest. You are remiss.

So you're all probably wondering who the big winner was, huh? I will tell you shortly but first, have you all sampled this product yet? If not, I'm going to insist that you do so immediately, if not sooner.

It's Sierra Mist Cranberry Splash. I believe it first came out last year around this time, and you can only get it during the Holidays. My lady claims it's available year round in Bammie, but I'm not sure I believe her. I'm not calling her a liar or anything, but even according to the official Pepsi website says that it's only available for 8 weeks starting in November. So basically, my lady is a liar.

Anyway, it's delicious. It's refreshing. It's delightful. It's a taste sensation for your mouth. And while it is quite enjoyable just served alone, on some ice, it's fabulous excellence when splashed with a little vodka (or as I like to call it, vodker) and a twist of lime. Oh help me Rhonda. Delicious. So please go out and buy some today and try it. I don't work for the good folks at Pepsi, and this is the only product of theirs that I support. I'm a coke drinker, myself.

Now onto the contest. The winners were selected last night by a random number generator. And I promise I did not cheat. To tell you the truth, it was a little anti climatic. I kind of felt like this blog contest was a big deal, and it was.....but only to me, I guess. When I put the numbers in, I kind of felt like there should be a drum roll. And a guy in a tux. With a mic. And some balloons. And maybe one of those big phone booth things with a wind maker that blows money around. Not for the winner of the blog, but for me, just because I've always wanted to go in there and try to grab the money. The people that do it on TV go about it wrong way, and I've always wanted to show the world how it's really done.

But it was just me, in my jammies, and my dogs, and they were passed out on the bed, exhausted from eating the raw hides we gave them. Which, coincidentally, give them the WORST gas you've ever smelled. It's heinous. It'll make a girl really not enjoy her Sierra Mist Cranberry Splash. Uck.

So yeah, I told the random number generator to pick a number between 0 and 28, since that was the number of comments, and then I just hit enter, and the number came up. There was no loud music, no confetti, no "Tell her what's she's won, Johnny!" It was a real let down.

Anyway, since I wanted MORE out of the whole choosing a winner experience, I decided right then and there, that instead of ONE winner, we would have THREE!!!! That way, I got to push the "enter" button on my keyboard twice more and really punch up the excitement value over here.

So! The winning numbers were......(drum roll please)...........




Tell them who they are, Cappy!

9 - Reenie - my dear friend from Kansas, who chose O Holy Night by Martina McBride as he favorite Christmas song. Good news, Reenie! That song does appear on one of the CDs!

27 - Sara P - my good friend Sara, or perhaps loyal readers of this blog will know her better as The Cuteness' mother! Sara cheated and selected 3 Christmas favorites, including Silent Night, Have yourself a Merry Little Christmas (I said it first, for the record, though), and Hard Candy Christmas (Dolly Parton). Sara, you'll be pleased to know that ALL THREE of those songs (yes, even Hard Candy Christmas) are included in the Chappy Christmas CDs!

25 - Lisatastrophies! This is a cyber friend, who I met through Ravelry, who has a hilarious blog that you should all go read. Lisa is local (she lives in Austin), but I've never met her. She's been going through a bit of a hard time lately, so I'm super pumped that she won, and I hope these CDs will give her some Christmas cheer. Her favorite Christmas song is I'll be Home For Christimas, which appears on Volume 4, sung by ol' Blue Eyes himself, and it's also one of my very favorites.

So congrats to all who won, and thanks again to those who entered. Reenie and Sara P, I know how to get your packages to you. Lisa, send me a message on Ravelry and let me know how you want me to send your package.

I will definitely do another blog contest in the future, probably for my blogiversary in April, so stay tuned. I'm off to start decorating the house!

Sunday, November 16, 2008

I can't take it anymore!!!!!!! Blog contest

I. Love. Christmas.

I love everything about it. The lights, the sound of jingle bells, the smell of cookies baking, the fact that people seem to generally be in a better mood than the rest of the year, the cheesy Christmas specials and movies, the decorations in the stores, the wrapping of the gifts, and most especially, the music.

Oh, the music. I love love love the Christmas music.

Confession: I've been secretly listening to my Christmas CDs since the day after Halloween. I just couldn't wait any more. I would pop them in the CD player in my car and jam out while I was driving. But if someone else were to be in my ride with me, I didn't let on that I had Christmas music already playing. But now I can. Now, I don't care any more. Because Christmas is 40 days away (40 DAYS???!!! CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?!!) and I don't care who knows it, darnitalltoheck I am in the Christmas spirit.

I ought to be, I mean, I've been knitting for Christmas since July forcryingoutloud.

So, in the spirit of Christmas, and to help all my bloggy friends out there get in the spirit, too, I am going to hold my first ever blog contest! I'm so excited.

Here's the story: every year for the past 8 or 9 years or so, I like to make something homemade to give to my friends and family with their Christmas presents. The first few years it was these adorable little snowman/Rudolph/angel figurines (which I will take pictures of and post as soon as I get my Christmas decorations out, which I can tell you right now will be next week while I'm off work). This year, of course, it's knitted goods. But for the past 4 years, since 2004, I've made a mix CD of Christmas tunes. All my favorites, every year a new CD with new holiday classics. And I burn up a bunch and hand them out. They've been extremely well received, ifIdosaysomyself, and they're titled "A Very Chappy Christmas" Volumes I - IV.

And so now I'd like to share them with you. One lucky winner will be chosen to receive all 4 volumes of A Very Chappy Christmas, as well as some of my knitty goodness (what, I don't want to say because I want that part to be a surprise, but trust me when I say that you will love it, I don't care who you are, it's damn adorable and I have mad craft skillz).

To enter this blog contest (did I mention I'm so excited to be doing a blog contest and please please please enter even if I know you in person because I want to see how many people I can get to enter, kthanksbye), all you have to do is leave me a comment here on my blog and answer the following question:

What is your favorite Christmas song?

Like, say you had to only pick one, what would it be? Let me know! I want to hear it! There is no wrong answer, but if you say "Let it snow! Let it snow! Let it snow!" I will tell you right now that you won't win because I hate that song.

Just joking. Not about hating that song, I really do, but if that's your favorite, then hey, who am I to judge? Be honest!

So anyway, leave your comment. I will keep this contest open for 1 week - so next Sunday evening, at 7:00 CST. Then I will have a random number generator select a winner from our entries, and that person will receive an early Christmas present! I want to have it in the mail by Thanksgiving so you have plenty of time to enjoy the CDs!

And now I will tell you my favorite Christmas song(s). It was hard to narrow it down to just one, but I have to say that if I simply must pick only one, hands down, it's "Have yourself a Merry Little Christmas". And I don't really care who sings it, I love all versions. It's a beautiful, simple and poignant song.

Close runners up are "Do You Hear What I Hear?". "O Holy Night" and "I'll be home for Christmas".

So that's it! Good luck! Oh, and because I am physically unable to post a blog with no pictures, here's one of our tree from last year.

Feliz Navidad, y'all!

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Gift of Life

See the new banner on the right hand side of my blog?

(if you're receiving this blog through an e-mail or feed, please take a minute to go to my actual blog site and notice the banner, thanks)

You can enter to win a really cool quilt if you click on the link and leave a comment. But the quilt isn't what I want to talk about today. The quilt is cool and all, but really, who cares about quilts when 18 people will die today because they were waiting for a life-saving organ transplant that never came.

The quilt give-away is to help a little baby named Mia, who just yesterday underwent a heart transplant. You can enter to win the quilt, or donate money to her family to help pay for her medical expenses. I'm cynical about donating money over the innernets to people you don't really know, too. Believe me, I hear you.

So if you don't want to donate money, that's cool. Maybe instead you can say a little prayer for Mia and her family. And while you're at it, say a prayer for all the other nearly 100,000 people who are waiting for a transplant.

Including my uncle, Maurie.

That's Maurie, or Mo as we call him, there on the left. He is my uncle by marriage, and probably one of the coolest people you've never met. And for those of you who have met him, then you what I'm talking about. Maurie doesn't know I'm blogging about him today, and though I'm not sure how he would feel about me telling his personal story on here (so I will keep that to myself), I know he would want me to get the word out about organ donation.

Maurie received his transplant over 20 years ago, and his donated kidney served him well for just about 20 years. But a few years ago, it gave out, and Maurie is back on dialysis. A machine keeps his blood clean, and keeps him alive, while he waits to see if he'll have another chance at transplantation.

Because of Maurie I feel very strongly about organ donation. I know that it is a personal choice, and not everyone will agree with me, but for those of you who are unsure, and because this is my blog dammit and I'll write what I want, I've put together a few facts about organ donation. For your reading pleasure. Also, I totally stole these facts from the interwebs. Thanks, Al Gore.

Did you know....that organ donation is supported by all major religions here in the US? Well it is!

Did you know....that donating your organs does NOT alter your appearance for funeral purposes at all? Nope, you'll still look like a cadaver. A dead cadaver.

Did you know....that if you are able to donate all your organs and tissues (including eyes, bone, skin, etc.) you could save or help up to 50 lives? Fifty people. Five Oh. Think of the possibilities!!!

You are dead, you don't need your eyes anymore. Why not give someone else the chance to see again? If you were blind or needed a heart or a kidney, wouldn't you want someone to do the same for you?

Please, take a minute and think about this. Consider what you'd feel like if the roles were reversed and the person you loved more than anyone in the whole wide world needed a transplant. Wouldn't you want someone out there to be generous enough to donate the Gift of Life to them? Won't you please do the same?
Take a minute and sign a donor card. But that's not enough. You also must make your wishes known to your family. Discuss with them the fact that you want your organs to be donated. They will have the final say when you are gone.

Click here to receive an organ donor card.

Maurie, Mia and I thank you.

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Yes We Can

I'm going to break my own rules yet again and discuss politics on my blog. I mean, really, how can I not?

This phrase has been overused a lot in the past weeks, not to mention the past 24 hours, but we literally witnessed history last night.

And it was amazing.
Now look. I don't care who you are, or where you live. North, south, black, white, red, blue, Republican or Democrat.

I don't care if you agree with his politics or not. I don't think there is any denying that Barack Obama is a powerful speaker, and that was one of the best speeches I've ever seen. And the fact that this country elected an African American to hold the highest office is simply astounding. Not because it wasn't long overdue, which it was. Not because he doesn't deserve it, which he does. But because I, and probably most of you, simply never thought it would happen in my lifetime. And whether or not you voted for him, the fact that he was elected is awesome.
We can all agree that America needs change, right? And the two men who ran for President this year were both admirable, intelligent men. I can't say the same for the VP picks. Sorry, had to get one jab in. But seriously, can Barack Obama really bring change to this country? I don't know. Do I believe he can? Of course. Do we all need to put our differences and bitterness about this election aside and try to move forward? You betcha. (ok, 2 jabs) Is that easier said than done? Yes. Do I like asking myself questions and then answering them? It appears so.

I sat and watched last night with tears streaming down my face. I teared up again this morning watching the Today show. I have a feeling this will happen a lot to me over the next few days.

I am so damn proud to be an American right now. I feel like I helped make this happen, even though I know that my state is and probably most always will be a red state.

I don't know what the future of this country holds, but I do know that I am hopeful. I believe in our newly elected leader, and I haven't felt this way since.....well, since ever. And I hope that no matter which side of the line you fall on, that you could at least appreciate that last night was a very important moment for this country.

Oh, I'm having a bonfire later today to burn all my neighbors' McCain/Palin signs. Anyone want to come make s'mores?
But really, for the record, McCain's concession speech was really eloquent and well spoken.

Also, I have a non-lesbian like crush on Michelle Obama. Is she the cutest?

Friday, October 31, 2008

Happy Halloween

I am sorry that this post is coming to you 4 days late. I am sorry that I don't have a better excuse as to why I didn't post it sooner. I am sorry that I am lazy. But you know what I'm not sorry about? I'm not working today. So put that in your pipe and smoke it.

I don't know what that means. My "Paw" used to smoke a pipe. And when I say "Paw" I don't mean Grandfather, as you may think. No. We used to have neighbors when I was really little and I called them Paw and Nee-Nee. Or, PawNeeNee. They were just an older couple, friends of my parents. But he smoked a pipe. That's really the only thing I remember about him.

Now, you may be thinking that was a tangent, and perhaps it started off as one, but I'm going to tie it all together right now. Are you ready for this? It's gonna be good.

You know who else smokes a pipe? Sure, a different kind of pipe altogether, but for purposes of tying my thoughts together today we're gonna go with it.....
Amy Winehouse.

Wait, that's not Amy Winehouse. No.....that's ME!!! Cracked out as Amy Winehouse for Halloween. (also perhaps the second worst picture of me ever taken, second only to this one of course)

Here's a close up. I went for a "cleaner" and "healthier" version of Amy. And by healthier of course what I mean is "fatter". Because, sadly, I am not crack-skinny.

Everybody sing it with me now.

They tried to make me go to rehab, I said NO NO NO.

Is that the only Amy Winehouse song you know? I have to admit that it's not for me. I downloaded her whole "Back to Black" CD and if I'm being honest? I mean, I'm nothing if not honest, right? I like the CD. It's actually really good. Sure, she's completely cracked out, and the media glamorizes her lifestyle to a point and it's not helping her get any better. But that girl can sang. Don't take my word for it, have a listen for yourself. Or if you want, you can just come over here and I will put on my wig and perform a little medley for you. That's what I did for the Cowboy who had no idea who on God's green earth Amy Winehouse was. He's so naive. I love that about him.

Here he is in costume.The Cowboy (L) and The Cart Pusher (his brother, Brent) (R) as Mario and Luigi.

Remember how the Cowboy took the credit for the pumpkin cheese ball face? I'm taking the credit for these costumes. They were totally my idea. And pretty damn clever if I do say so myself.

And I do. I gotta take all the credit I can get.

Mommy and Daddy Stinky Pants were a werewolf and the poor bastard who gets attacked by a werewolf.

Wolves were a popular choice.

Here's Robert and Michelle as The Big Bad Wolf and Little Red Riding Hood.

Here's Wes and D as a pimp and one of his ladies. All night Wes kept saying "Hold on, wait a minute, let me put some pimpin' in it." And D had a black eye that you can't really see in this picture. She threw this costume together last minute when her other one didn't fit. Several of my friends didn't know who I was. They just thought I was some kind of big haired whore. All that time and energy I invested into my Amy Winehouse costume and I walk in and they don't even get it. Shame.

Here's The Cuteness' parents. She was a basketball player and he was a toga dude, obvs.
Kevin, as Paul Bunyan.

Lanice (I'm sure I'm spelling her name wrong, sorry Lanice) as a Boo Bee. Hehehehehe. Boobie.

Oh. Are you looking at what I'm looking at? Who cares about the Boo Bee when that guy is standing in the background? Yeah.

If I were giving away an award for the best costume of the night, this guy would get it. I'm not going to say his real name, because he's really a cop, and I don't want him to get into any kind of trouble.

Someone call the cops. I'm sure it's illegal for a man to wear shorts this short. Or it should be.

It should also be illegal to be this cute. Or this stinky.

Candid party shots.

David didn't dress up. If there is one thing that annoys me, it's when people don't dress up for a Halloween party. Dammit David, there is no excuse. I mean, who do you think you are? Why are you so special that you can just wear regular, HOLD UP WAIT A MINUTELET ME PUT SOME PIMPIN IN IT.


That's just rude.

Stinky and Miss Winehouse wish you all a very Happy (and safe!) Halloween!!!

Sunday, October 26, 2008

Party Prep

It's awfully early for me to be up and blogging about the Halloween party the night before, which means that either I wasn't drunk enough, or that I didn't have enough to drink.

Which is hard to imagine, given the number of jello shots we made Friday night.

My friends and I do jello shots a little differently. We actually have literal jello "shots".

This is the bag before.
Nothing says "Adult Fun" like a Winne The Pooh bag full of "borrowed" syringes, does it?
Except maybe a counter full of hooch.

We assembled our trusty team of jello shot making professionals: Me, Darnell, Wes, Kevin and Brent. We set up the assembly line, and went to work. Brent is concentrating very hard. Jello Shot Making is a lost art.

Those shots on the left? The pale yellow ones? They are pina colada flavored, and we made them with rum. They are outstanding, and probably the most popular choice amongst Jello Shot enthusiasts, i.e. me and my friends. Because of their pale color and appearance, and also to not confuse them with the Island Pineapple shots (my second fave), we took to calling them "breast milk" shots. My friends and I are very inappropriate that way.

We made some shots.

And we made some more. But we're not done yet!

Dr. Kevin conducted an experiment with the jello shots. It failed.

Done! These are all the jello shots we made. We estimated that we made over 400. For a party of about 25-30 guests. And one of them was pregnant. That's a large shot per person ratio!

Here's a quick little party recipe for you. I make this for a lot of parties and it's always a hit. It couldn't be easier. Even if you have no cooking skillz, you could pull this bad boy off. I promise. It's my Famous Cheese Ball. I think we'll call it that too. So here's the recipe for.....(drum roll please.....ok maybe I am still a little drunk..........)

Caps' Famous Cheese Ball

You will need: 2 packages of cream cheese (don't skimp and get the lite stuff. Come on, it's a holiday), 1 bag of shredded cheddar cheese, 1 package of Hidden Valley Ranch dressing seasoning (the dry stuff), and 1 small package of REAL bacon bits. Please for the love of all things sacred, cheesy and holy, do NOT buy those dehydrated imitation bacon flavored flecks. If you can't find real bacon bits, just leave it out. Really, it will be better than adding that aforementioned crap.

Let the cream cheese soften on the counter for 10-15 minutes before you start.

Basically, you just dump the cream cheese in a bowl, add the ranch dressing packet and about 1/2 - 3/4 of the bag of bacon pieces (you can eyeball it), and then a cup of shredded cheddar cheese and mix it all together.

Form it into a ball.

Put the rest of the shredded cheddar in a bowl, and roll the cheese ball in the shredded cheese, pressing gently to make sure all sides get covered.
Once it's all coated, place it on a plate, or if you have a fancy Halloween themed serving dish/platter, that would be ideal. But I don't. So I just used a plate.
Smush it down just a tad, so that the top is flattened. Like a disc. A cheese disc, if you will.
Now, you decorate! This is the fun part. I used black peppercorns.

Hi Sam!!
Ta Da!!! Cute, huh? I KNOW.

Now, I have to give credit where credit is due. The Cowboy walked in when I was putting the face on and took one look at it and started telling me all the ways I was putting the peppercorns on a cheese ball pumpkin in the wrong fashion. I didn't realize there was a rule book on this type of thing, but by the way he was talking, apparently, he wrote it.

Oh sorry, I was supposed to be giving him credit, right? So yeah, The Cowboy did the face on this one, because mine was "wrong".

Oh, and I used a little slice of bell pepper for the stalk. I just happened to have that in my fridge, but you could use whatever you have. Celery, a stick, what have you.

Now here's the best part - this recipe can be used at other holidays too. For Christmas, I made 3 smaller balls, and instead of rolling the cheese mixture (which is the same) in the cheddar cheese, I roll it in grated Parmesan cheese (who am I kidding, I use the green can stuff and I don't care), and make a snowman!! Then decorate with peppercorn buttons, a carrot nose and cracker hat. If The Cowboy's Rule Book says it's ok that is. You can even do a Thanksgiving turkey. Really, go nuts. Get creative. Eat the cheese. People will love you for bringing it. I always, always serve it with Keebler Town House crackers, which, if I may be honest with you, I think is far superior to Ritz. But you use whatever kinds of crackers you like.

Party pictures to come later today or tomorrow! Good times were had by all! I'm off to take a nap.