Happy Halloween

I am sorry that this post is coming to you 4 days late. I am sorry that I don't have a better excuse as to why I didn't post it sooner. I am sorry that I am lazy. But you know what I'm not sorry about? I'm not working today. So put that in your pipe and smoke it.

I don't know what that means. My "Paw" used to smoke a pipe. And when I say "Paw" I don't mean Grandfather, as you may think. No. We used to have neighbors when I was really little and I called them Paw and Nee-Nee. Or, PawNeeNee. They were just an older couple, friends of my parents. But he smoked a pipe. That's really the only thing I remember about him.

Now, you may be thinking that was a tangent, and perhaps it started off as one, but I'm going to tie it all together right now. Are you ready for this? It's gonna be good.

You know who else smokes a pipe? Sure, a different kind of pipe altogether, but for purposes of tying my thoughts together today we're gonna go with it.....

Amy Winehouse.

Wait, that's not Amy Winehouse. No.....that's ME!!! Cracked out as Amy Winehouse for Halloween. (also perhaps the second worst picture of me ever taken, second only to this one of course)

Here's a close up. I went for a "cleaner" and "healthier" version of Amy. And by healthier of course what I mean is "fatter". Because, sadly, I am not crack-skinny.

Everybody sing it with me now.

They tried to make me go to rehab, I said NO NO NO.

Is that the only Amy Winehouse song you know? I have to admit that it's not for me. I downloaded her whole "Back to Black" CD and if I'm being honest? I mean, I'm nothing if not honest, right? I like the CD. It's actually really good. Sure, she's completely cracked out, and the media glamorizes her lifestyle to a point and it's not helping her get any better. But that girl can sang. Don't take my word for it, have a listen for yourself. Or if you want, you can just come over here and I will put on my wig and perform a little medley for you. That's what I did for the Cowboy who had no idea who on God's green earth Amy Winehouse was. He's so naive. I love that about him.

Here he is in costume.The Cowboy (L) and The Cart Pusher (his brother, Brent) (R) as Mario and Luigi.

Remember how the Cowboy took the credit for the pumpkin cheese ball face? I'm taking the credit for these costumes. They were totally my idea. And pretty damn clever if I do say so myself.

And I do. I gotta take all the credit I can get.

Mommy and Daddy Stinky Pants were a werewolf and the poor bastard who gets attacked by a werewolf.

Wolves were a popular choice.

Here's Robert and Michelle as The Big Bad Wolf and Little Red Riding Hood.

Here's Wes and D as a pimp and one of his ladies. All night Wes kept saying "Hold on, wait a minute, let me put some pimpin' in it." And D had a black eye that you can't really see in this picture. She threw this costume together last minute when her other one didn't fit. Several of my friends didn't know who I was. They just thought I was some kind of big haired whore. All that time and energy I invested into my Amy Winehouse costume and I walk in and they don't even get it. Shame.

Here's The Cuteness' parents. She was a basketball player and he was a toga dude, obvs.

Kevin, as Paul Bunyan.

Lanice (I'm sure I'm spelling her name wrong, sorry Lanice) as a Boo Bee. Hehehehehe. Boobie.

Oh. Are you looking at what I'm looking at? Who cares about the Boo Bee when that guy is standing in the background? Yeah.

If I were giving away an award for the best costume of the night, this guy would get it. I'm not going to say his real name, because he's really a cop, and I don't want him to get into any kind of trouble.

Someone call the cops. I'm sure it's illegal for a man to wear shorts this short. Or it should be.

It should also be illegal to be this cute. Or this stinky.

Candid party shots.

David didn't dress up. If there is one thing that annoys me, it's when people don't dress up for a Halloween party. Dammit David, there is no excuse. I mean, who do you think you are? Why are you so special that you can just wear regular, HOLD UP WAIT A MINUTELET ME PUT SOME PIMPIN IN IT.

Sorry.

That's just rude.

Stinky and Miss Winehouse wish you all a very Happy (and safe!) Halloween!!!

Party Prep

It's awfully early for me to be up and blogging about the Halloween party the night before, which means that either I wasn't drunk enough, or that I didn't have enough to drink.

Which is hard to imagine, given the number of jello shots we made Friday night.

My friends and I do jello shots a little differently. We actually have literal jello "shots".

This is the bag before.

Nothing says "Adult Fun" like a Winne The Pooh bag full of "borrowed" syringes, does it?

Except maybe a counter full of hooch.

We assembled our trusty team of jello shot making professionals: Me, Darnell, Wes, Kevin and Brent. We set up the assembly line, and went to work. Brent is concentrating very hard. Jello Shot Making is a lost art.

Those shots on the left? The pale yellow ones? They are pina colada flavored, and we made them with rum. They are outstanding, and probably the most popular choice amongst Jello Shot enthusiasts, i.e. me and my friends. Because of their pale color and appearance, and also to not confuse them with the Island Pineapple shots (my second fave), we took to calling them "breast milk" shots. My friends and I are very inappropriate that way.

We made some shots.

And we made some more. But we're not done yet!

Dr. Kevin conducted an experiment with the jello shots. It failed.

Done! These are all the jello shots we made. We estimated that we made over 400. For a party of about 25-30 guests. And one of them was pregnant. That's a large shot per person ratio!

Here's a quick little party recipe for you. I make this for a lot of parties and it's always a hit. It couldn't be easier. Even if you have no cooking skillz, you could pull this bad boy off. I promise. It's my Famous Cheese Ball. I think we'll call it that too. So here's the recipe for.....(drum roll please.....ok maybe I am still a little drunk..........)

Caps' Famous Cheese Ball

You will need: 2 packages of cream cheese (don't skimp and get the lite stuff. Come on, it's a holiday), 1 bag of shredded cheddar cheese, 1 package of Hidden Valley Ranch dressing seasoning (the dry stuff), and 1 small package of REAL bacon bits. Please for the love of all things sacred, cheesy and holy, do NOT buy those dehydrated imitation bacon flavored flecks. If you can't find real bacon bits, just leave it out. Really, it will be better than adding that aforementioned crap.

Let the cream cheese soften on the counter for 10-15 minutes before you start.

Basically, you just dump the cream cheese in a bowl, add the ranch dressing packet and about 1/2 - 3/4 of the bag of bacon pieces (you can eyeball it), and then a cup of shredded cheddar cheese and mix it all together.

Form it into a ball.

Put the rest of the shredded cheddar in a bowl, and roll the cheese ball in the shredded cheese, pressing gently to make sure all sides get covered.

Once it's all coated, place it on a plate, or if you have a fancy Halloween themed serving dish/platter, that would be ideal. But I don't. So I just used a plate.

Smush it down just a tad, so that the top is flattened. Like a disc. A cheese disc, if you will.

Now, you decorate! This is the fun part. I used black peppercorns.

Hi Sam!!
Ta Da!!! Cute, huh? I KNOW.

Now, I have to give credit where credit is due. The Cowboy walked in when I was putting the face on and took one look at it and started telling me all the ways I was putting the peppercorns on a cheese ball pumpkin in the wrong fashion. I didn't realize there was a rule book on this type of thing, but by the way he was talking, apparently, he wrote it.

Oh sorry, I was supposed to be giving him credit, right? So yeah, The Cowboy did the face on this one, because mine was "wrong".

Oh, and I used a little slice of bell pepper for the stalk. I just happened to have that in my fridge, but you could use whatever you have. Celery, a stick, what have you.

Now here's the best part - this recipe can be used at other holidays too. For Christmas, I made 3 smaller balls, and instead of rolling the cheese mixture (which is the same) in the cheddar cheese, I roll it in grated Parmesan cheese (who am I kidding, I use the green can stuff and I don't care), and make a snowman!! Then decorate with peppercorn buttons, a carrot nose and cracker hat. If The Cowboy's Rule Book says it's ok that is. You can even do a Thanksgiving turkey. Really, go nuts. Get creative. Eat the cheese. People will love you for bringing it. I always, always serve it with Keebler Town House crackers, which, if I may be honest with you, I think is far superior to Ritz. But you use whatever kinds of crackers you like.

Party pictures to come later today or tomorrow! Good times were had by all! I'm off to take a nap.

Lookit what I got!

Wax lips!!!!

I haven't seen or had wax lips in, oh I don't know, years. It's been a long time. Many moons.

And let me tell you, in case you were going to go out and spend the $2.99 on a pair, that they don't taste as good as I remember from my youth. This is going to sound stupid, but they taste.....waxy. I swear when I was a child they tasted like cherries and sunshine and rainbows. But now? Yeah not so much.

But they're fun.

This weekend is the BIG HALLOWEEN BASH and costumes will be worn. If you wanted me to tell you what I'm going to be, I will have to tell you no.

No.

No.

But I promise to post pictures next week! Hope you have fabulous Halloweenie plans this weekend too!

Muffins!

I couldn't think of a clever title for this blog, so when in doubt, I say go with the stupidly obvious. Muffins.

Here's the recipe I promised over a week ago. Procrastination is my middle name. Not Elizabeth. So yeah, this recipe comes to me by my Aunt Patti, and I have no idea where she got it, but she reads this blog, so feel free to praise her in the comments section after you've made and devoured these muffins. You'll want to make these muffins each fall season, and you'll want to make them every week. That's what I do. In May, I have dreams about these muffins.

So let's begin.
Here's what you'll need:

Flour, sugar, baking soda, baking powder, salt, eggs, butter, chocolate chips, canned pumpkin and pumpkin pie spice. Very simple ingredients that, when mixed together, make MAGIC.

First, combine the dry ingredients in a medium sized mixing bowl.

1 2/3 cups flour

1 cup sugar

1 T pumpkin pie spice

1 t baking soda

1/4 t each of salt and baking powder

No need to use anything fancy to mix them together. I used a butter knife. We bake ghetto style at our house. Whoops. I spilled some flour on the floor. Good excuse to take a picture of my new Chucks. Low tops. Navy blue. Thanks. Thanks very much.

As for the spill, it's ok, because that is why God invented the Roomba. I highly recommend the Roomba. For reals. If you've got like $400 laying around that you don't know what to spend on, send it to me. And then, if you've got $400 more, buy a Roomba. And thanks for the money.

Back to the baking! Now, you'll want to melt your butter (1 stick, or 1/2 cup). Confession, I use margarine. The recipe calls for butter. I don't buy butter unless I'm making my Gram's Christmas cookies. For everything else, I always have and always will use margarine. It's worked just great for me. But you use whatever floats your boat. Anyway, melt it. Melt it up real nice in the microwave. Surely I don't need to demonstrate melting butter for you people, do I?

Here's what mine looked like. You can see how it's not completely, 100% melted. That's ok. In fact, that's better than butter that's so hot that it's bubbling up. You don't want that, because you don't want the butter to cook the eggs when you mix those ingredients together. Sure, if you're Fancy Pants Chef McGee, you could "temper" the eggs. But I already told you we do it Ghetto Style at Casa Cappydoodles, so I just sort of half melt the butter.

So once your butter or margarine is all the way or sort of half way melted, you mix all the wet ingredients in a large mixing bowl.

1 cup plain, canned pumpkin

1/2 cup (or 1 stick) melted butter or margarine

2 eggs

The knife didn't work so well here, so I used a wooden spoon. A rubber spatula would be a more sensible choice.

Next, you'll want to slowly add the dry ingredients into the wet. I usually do it in 3 small parts. Add, mix. Add, mix. Add, mix. You get the picture. No? Ok, here you go.

Once all your wet and dry ingredients are combined nicely, you can add the chocolate.

The recipe calls for 1 cup of chocolate chips, but I have to be honest. I never measure. When it comes to chocolate, I have a theory. It goes like this:

You can never have enough chocolate.

End of theory.

So I just kind of toss some chips in there, give it a stir, and then add some more if I think it needs more.

For instance. This doesn't look like enough to me.

This is more like it.

Now you can fill your muffin cups. All the cool kids (me) get cute little Halloween themed muffin cups. See?
You're supposed to fill the cups like 2/3 the way full, but I over do everything, and this is no exception.

Oooooh, see that big one? That one has my name on it.

And yes, I do have rusty muffin tins. Don't be so judgemental.

Pop these bad boys in a preheated 350 degree oven and cook them for 25ish minutes. You know, until a toothpick comes out clean.

And while we're waiting for these bad boys to bake up, does anyone else love the song "Keep on Lovin' You" by REO Speedwagon as much as I do? Seriously, I think it's one of the best pop love songs ever written, and I listen to it on repeat quite often. Like right now. It's without a doubt one of my all time favorite songs. What are some of your all time favorite songs? Maybe this is a discussion for another blog. I don't know. But I love this song, and I love how the guy sings with such conviction. He really draws out those 'R's, too. Ya ever notice?

"And I meant every word I said, when I said that I loved you I meant that I love you foreverrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr."

Ding! Muffins are done.

Dang stupid sideways picture ruin everything. But tilt your head for one second and look at that muffin. Mmmmm doesn't that look good. Yes. Yes it does.

Go make some. You'll love them. And I mean every word I say. When I say that you'll love them, I mean that you'll love them foreverrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

Thanks Aunt Patti!