What I'm about to confess may come as a great shock to many of you. You may find yourself disturbed, saddened, and deeply confused by what I say. I understand. This is a secret I've been carrying around with me for 30 years. It's time to come clean. I've never seen Mary Poppins.
Yes, that's right.
I was on the phone with my lady today, and she started singing "Chim-Chim-i-nee, Chim-chim-i-nee, Chim Chim Chiroo." Now, having lived for 30 years around generations of people who have seen this movie, of course I knew where it came from. That, and Supercaliwhatever. And A Spoonful of Sugar. Yeah, I know all the songs. But I've never seen the movie.
I don't know what kind of childhood I had. Clearly it was devoid of British-umbrella-toting-singing-nannies and their chimney sweep friends. See? I even know the general plot.
I can't imagine why we never watched it in my childhood. My mom is a fan of music, and a fan of Julie Andrews, so far as I can tell given the number of times we saw The Sound of Music. Which was a LOT. I could probably recite every damn word to The Sound of Music.
But Mary Poppins? Nope. Not even once. I can't even remember having seen like 1 or 2 minutes of it. Ever.
Someone tell me, really, am I missing out? Do I need to run out and rent it? Or will my life continue on, happily, without ever seeing this supposed classic?
I resisted seeing Pulp Fiction for the longest time just because I hadn't seen it and everyone was all "WHAT? YOU HAVEN'T SEEN PULP FICTION!? OMG THAT IS TOTALLY CRAZY!" So I watched Pulp Fiction and you know what? Hated it. Thought it was the biggest waste of time stupidest most pointless ridiculous movie ever. And I've seen it a couple of times since and I still feel the same way.
Is it a little bit sacrilege that I just compared Pulp Fiction to Mary Poppins? Guess I'm driving the bus to hell. All aboard.
Oh, and since we're on the subject, and I'm already in the driver's seat, I may as well let one more confession fly.
I don't like pizza.