Happy Halloween

I am sorry that this post is coming to you 4 days late. I am sorry that I don't have a better excuse as to why I didn't post it sooner. I am sorry that I am lazy. But you know what I'm not sorry about? I'm not working today. So put that in your pipe and smoke it.

I don't know what that means. My "Paw" used to smoke a pipe. And when I say "Paw" I don't mean Grandfather, as you may think. No. We used to have neighbors when I was really little and I called them Paw and Nee-Nee. Or, PawNeeNee. They were just an older couple, friends of my parents. But he smoked a pipe. That's really the only thing I remember about him.

Now, you may be thinking that was a tangent, and perhaps it started off as one, but I'm going to tie it all together right now. Are you ready for this? It's gonna be good.

You know who else smokes a pipe? Sure, a different kind of pipe altogether, but for purposes of tying my thoughts together today we're gonna go with it.....

Amy Winehouse.

Wait, that's not Amy Winehouse. No.....that's ME!!! Cracked out as Amy Winehouse for Halloween. (also perhaps the second worst picture of me ever taken, second only to this one of course)

Here's a close up. I went for a "cleaner" and "healthier" version of Amy. And by healthier of course what I mean is "fatter". Because, sadly, I am not crack-skinny.

Everybody sing it with me now.

They tried to make me go to rehab, I said NO NO NO.

Is that the only Amy Winehouse song you know? I have to admit that it's not for me. I downloaded her whole "Back to Black" CD and if I'm being honest? I mean, I'm nothing if not honest, right? I like the CD. It's actually really good. Sure, she's completely cracked out, and the media glamorizes her lifestyle to a point and it's not helping her get any better. But that girl can sang. Don't take my word for it, have a listen for yourself. Or if you want, you can just come over here and I will put on my wig and perform a little medley for you. That's what I did for the Cowboy who had no idea who on God's green earth Amy Winehouse was. He's so naive. I love that about him.

Here he is in costume.The Cowboy (L) and The Cart Pusher (his brother, Brent) (R) as Mario and Luigi.

Remember how the Cowboy took the credit for the pumpkin cheese ball face? I'm taking the credit for these costumes. They were totally my idea. And pretty damn clever if I do say so myself.

And I do. I gotta take all the credit I can get.

Mommy and Daddy Stinky Pants were a werewolf and the poor bastard who gets attacked by a werewolf.

Wolves were a popular choice.

Here's Robert and Michelle as The Big Bad Wolf and Little Red Riding Hood.

Here's Wes and D as a pimp and one of his ladies. All night Wes kept saying "Hold on, wait a minute, let me put some pimpin' in it." And D had a black eye that you can't really see in this picture. She threw this costume together last minute when her other one didn't fit. Several of my friends didn't know who I was. They just thought I was some kind of big haired whore. All that time and energy I invested into my Amy Winehouse costume and I walk in and they don't even get it. Shame.

Here's The Cuteness' parents. She was a basketball player and he was a toga dude, obvs.

Kevin, as Paul Bunyan.

Lanice (I'm sure I'm spelling her name wrong, sorry Lanice) as a Boo Bee. Hehehehehe. Boobie.

Oh. Are you looking at what I'm looking at? Who cares about the Boo Bee when that guy is standing in the background? Yeah.

If I were giving away an award for the best costume of the night, this guy would get it. I'm not going to say his real name, because he's really a cop, and I don't want him to get into any kind of trouble.

Someone call the cops. I'm sure it's illegal for a man to wear shorts this short. Or it should be.

It should also be illegal to be this cute. Or this stinky.

Candid party shots.

David didn't dress up. If there is one thing that annoys me, it's when people don't dress up for a Halloween party. Dammit David, there is no excuse. I mean, who do you think you are? Why are you so special that you can just wear regular, HOLD UP WAIT A MINUTELET ME PUT SOME PIMPIN IN IT.

Sorry.

That's just rude.

Stinky and Miss Winehouse wish you all a very Happy (and safe!) Halloween!!!