Sew What?

Here is a (relatively) recent picture of Baby Stinky Pants.

The reason I post this is 3 fold.

1) I haven't posted a picture of her in a long time, and I thought you all might be curious to see how frick fracking cute she's getting (and crawling!)....

2) It's my blog and I'll post whatever the hell I want...

3) Baby Stinky Pants' mom (Christy) and I took a sewing class last month, and the fruits of that class will be the subject of my blog today. But I thought I'd start it off with a cute baby picture. Also, I have not forgotten about The Cuteness, and I will make sure to post a recent picture of her in an upcoming blog. You will all crap your pants when you see how big she's gotten.

Sew anyway.....(wakka wakka) Christy and I took a sewing class a few weeks back. The Cowboy bought me a sewing machine for Christmas (bless his little heart, he didn't get me jewelry or a nice Caribbean vacation, he bought me a sewing machine), and I figure I'd better learn to use the darn thing. Actually, I was pretty excited. And actually, he did buy me an iPod touch for Christmas as well. And actually, he also bought me the laptop I am using to write this blog as we speak for no apparent reason a few weeks ago. So really I guess I should shut up. Besides, I love the sewing machine.

The sewing class itself was marginally informational. The instructor was a little crazy, and I feel like she rushed through a lot of things that may be important later on. We had to buy all these extra feet for our machine, and we didn't end up using 2 or 3 of them. And some of them were on the pricey side. And when I say pricey, I mean upwards of $4.00. But listen, I'm not made of money. And while I do feel like I have a better understanding of my machine and what to do with it in certain situations, you will see later in this blog that she did not teach me all that I feel I need to know to move forward. Not to mention the fact that the finished product of that class is a giant piece of crap.

Exhibits A and B.

It's supposed to be a "cosmetic bag". I wish you could see this thing in person. These pictures make it look cute. I assure you, it's not.

But I would not be deterred. My Lady (who doesn't blog any more either, but I still linked her, just for shits and gigs) gave me a very easy pattern for a bag, made by sewing 2 dish towels (yes, dish towels!) together. I made one last weekend and fell in love with it. Since then I've dropped nearly $50 on dishtowels, and that is not an exaggeration. I've made 5 total, and have enough towels to make about 5 more. Check em out.

The Purple One. The first one I made. It's nice, but they get better. For one, I lengthened the handles on all the other ones. And my seams got straighter too. The bottom part of the bag (in this case, the stripey part) is pockets. There are 4 pockets total. 2 in front, 2 in back.

The Green One. You can see the longer straps. Now, hold onto your pants because they are about to start getting REALLY cute.

The Multi Colored One. I KNOW. Believe me. My arm was sore after I made this one from patting myself on the back.

The Blue and Brown Ones. I'm out of words for my craftiness.

I'm telling you, after I made these bags, I was on top of the world. Sew, I decided that I wanted to tackle another project. Something bigger. Something more difficult. I knew I could do it. Hell, I can put 2 dish clothes together and sew them up in a few places. What can't I do?

Sew, apparently.

My next project? An apron. Simple, cute, right? The pattern even promised to be easy.

"Simplicity". Simple my ass.

I bought the cutest fabric.

Don't you love the apple and pear fabric? Wouldn't I look adorable in a apron made out of it? Well it ain't gonna happen unless I take that piece of material and belt it around myself. I am completely lost. Why? Because, oh yeah, we didn't actually learn how to READ A PATTERN in my sewing class. Sew how am I actually supposed to sew anything? It's like some sort of special magical language they speak in these patterns. I got this far only because the nice girl at JoAnn Etc. explained to me how to tell how much fabric was needed, and how to lay it out. Sew I was able to lay it out,

and cut it.

But from here I really have no idea what to do next. I read and re-read the pattern and I am at a total and complete loss. So please, if anyone has any idea what to do next, please help me. Please. I want an apron so bad.

I have nothing to sew now. So I guess I'll enjoy the roses. Straight from our garden. Hope you all had a good weekend!